A Childless Mother’s Day

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For those of you who live under a rock, yesterday was the famously Hallmarked, “Mother’s Day.” I spent a wonderful day with my mom and the rest of my family doing yard work, watching television, and eating ice cream! I can only hope that you all had just as wonderful of a day with your mothers and/or children. So, because yesterday was all about celebrating moms, I thought I would compose a post about how out of this world I felt not being a mother on Mother’s Day…or, just every day in general.

Yes, it’s controversial, and yes it’s a topic that’s been brought up before. If you’ve read TIME magazine within the last couple of months, you know that they ran a report regarding childless couples. In the report, TIME states that, “the birthrate in the U.S. is the lowest in recorded American history. From 2007 to 2011, the fertility rate declined 9%. A 2010 Pew Research report showed that childlessness has risen across all racial and ethnic groups, adding up to about 1 in 5 American women who end their childbearing years maternity free, compared with 1 in 10 in the 1970s.”

If you’re anything like me, you proudly raised your hand, and maybe even shouted, “That’s me!”when you heard the “1 in 5 American women statistic.” It’s no secret among my peers and family; I can’t stand kids. I’ve known since I was 12 years old that I didn’t want babies, and that I would do ANYTHING to make absolutely sure that a child never formed inside of me.  So, you might be asking, “Why 12? Why not before then?” In all honesty, I was on the fence. I knew deep down that I didn’t want children, but I had heard from older family members, the media, and my Barbie dolls how great having a family of your own was. And, I thought that maybe having one or two kids wouldn’t be so rough. I mean, it’s the American dream, right? Graduate from college, get a job, get married, start a family. I can’t tell you how many individuals I know from high school and college who are in their early 20’s and doing just that. In fact, I found out today that one of my married friends is pregnant, and another is engaged.

At this point, I feel the need to shrug my shoulders and sigh. Sometimes, I feel a bit awkward because I don’t want what everyone else seems to.  At the same time, many tell me that “I’ll change my mind.” But, I’ve felt this way for more than 10 years,  and every time I’m around a child (or anyone who is more than 5 years younger than me) I cringe and become very uncomfortable after about 15 minutes. Sure, babies and young kids are cute, but after a few moments, I’m more than ready to hand them back to their mother.

Also, let’s just say I can barely take care of myself. Do you really think I’d do well adding a helpless individual to the mix? No. I also have a short temper for ignorant idiots, I mean…kids. It’s not that I think all children are stupid, it’s just that I tend to get frustrated when kids can’t get on my level. We can’t have a conversation about the election? You don’t know the name of our Governor? Fine; get out of my face; I can’t handle you right now.

Needless to say, I’ve always wondered if a lot of us TRULY want to have children, or if we’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that our lives take this natural progression and having children is all a part of it. 

When I was a senior in college, one of my favorite professors told us a quick story about when she was a new mom that, I think, a lot of new mothers can relate to. She stated that after her oldest was born, she was so sleep deprived, frustrated, emotional, you name it! This new experience really upset her because she obviously and quickly began to realize that motherhood was less than a bed of roses. One day, she went to her mother’s house said, “Mom! Why didn’t you tell me motherhood was going to be this difficult and crazy?” To which her mother replied, “No one told me. It’s something every woman needs to figure out for themselves.”

What a slap to the face! Can we pause for a moment while I get my tubes tied?

But, in all seriousness, at the end of the day, it’s our mother’s that brought us into this world and have helped us grow, learn, and become who we are. I know that I’d be a complete mess without mine! Almost every woman has the physical capabilities to become a mother, but not every woman can be a mom. Happy Mother’s Day!

Granny Smith – over and out

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18 thoughts on “A Childless Mother’s Day

  1. I have seen so many women declare they never want kids. I have so many people not really believe them, or think they are making a mistake, or think they will change their mind. I do have children. It is not a decision to be made with the head, but with the heart. And, if the desire for children is not in your heart I don’t know how you would get through those sleepless nights, the anxieties and the general chaos. Good for you for following your heart.

  2. Hi, I arrived here because I saw you visit my blog (thank you) – and I find a kindred soul! I too always knew I did not want to have children, just to make sure of no accidents I had a sterilization in my early thirties, and honestly I have no regrets at all – and in fact have ended up with a man who has already had 3 (they are adults now so we can be friends!) One relationship I had in my twenties – when we split up his parents said if only we’d had children we would have stayed together – YES, I WOULD HAVE BEEN TRAPPED! I think we are lucky to live in this age when we do actually have choice and control over our bodies. 🙂

    • Wow, thanks for taking the time to share your story, Wendy!

      I actually spoke with my doctor a few months ago about getting my tubes tied and she said I should still give it some time…looks like I’m going to have to find a new doctor!

      In regards to staying together because of the children, I’ve found that that’s the mindset of a lot of elder adults, unfortunately. You’re correct, thank goodness women have started taking more control over their own bodies!

  3. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your own children. Parenting isn’t for everybody. Frankly, there’s a lot of folks who have children who just shouldn’t.

  4. Great post! I command you for your honesty. Not many women would admit this but then again some women shouldn’t have children and yet they still do, following the old “brainwashing” as you put it and sadly society is left having to care for these kids whose mothers fall short of motherhood.

  5. Enjoyed your honest post. Just one note. While your professors’s story hit home, yes, once one becomes a mother she doesn’t have a single day of peace in her entire life. That said, nothing, or no one could have filled up my life with the joy parenting has brought me. Good luck to you, Granny Smith, there are many, many other ways to contribute to society.

  6. Great post.
    My wife and I both turn 60 this year, and we just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. We are very, VERY happy with our life “alone-together” and my wife frequently says; “Thank God we were smart enough to never have kids”.

    There are plenty of folks (apparently) who love and really want to have children – and that’s fine – but people who have children “automatically” or “because it’s expected” are doing both themselves and the world a grave disservice. People who say; “Oh, you’re going to change your mind eventually” are nuts and don’t know what they are talking about. I have never had a single moment in my life when I wished for progeny and I doubt that I ever will.

  7. Kids are gross. They take your money, they put PB&J sandwiches in electronic equipment, and they spend the better part of three years shitting their pants. Also? No rollercoasters for like, eight years because they’re too short.

    My mom keeps thinking my girlfriend and I will change our minds once we get married, but I really don’t think we will. Kids aren’t for everyone (and God knows they shouldn’t be for some people), and we just don’t think we’re cut out for it. We have dogs. We’re happy with dogs.

  8. I am a foster parent, and let me just tell you, making the decision to not have children when you know that it’s not for you is a very mature and wise one! I knew early on that I did not want biological children, and also did a number of things to make sure it wouldn’t happen. I would get an unfathomable number of “looks” from people when I would tell them I didn’t want biological children. Good for you for knowing what you want (or don’t want…) and not caving to the “shoulds” of society.

  9. Good perspective! I think it’s so funny that people try to convince others that they’re going to want kids. It’s kind of like people telling vegetarians/vegans ‘Ohhh, you’ll come around eventually!’.

    There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids and I think more people need to realize that. If anything, I think it would be much WORSE to feel pressured in to having kids and then not be happy. Sure, you could grow to love being a mother but it sounds really challenging.

    Anyway, thanks for following my blog! You have some cool stories here so I’m totally following you now as well 😀

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