Love Runs Out

My parents…lord love them. They’ve been married for almost 26 years and have been through a lot of shit. A disabled son, a crazy daughter, two houses, multiple cars, family members passing, you name it. My parents have always had a nurturing relationship, but lately, something has changed, and I don’t know what to think of it.

Within the last nine months, I’ve witnessed more fighting and just an overall lack of displeasure with one another. Almost every day they’ll get into a tiff, and almost every day, both of them come to me with their side of the story and indirectly ask me to play mediator. Part of me wishes I could shout, “take care of this shit yourselves; you’re adults!” But, I want to be there for the both of them because I know they have no other outside party to turn to but me.

Most nights, I hear my mother complaining on the phone about my “crabby father” to her sister or her mother. And, most days, you can find them mocking one another behind the other’s back. Usually, in situations like this, I don’t take sides. But, something tells me I have to go with my father. My mother tends to be fairly harsh on my father, getting irritated about his hearing, complaining to his face that’s he’s too angry or too particular, that he takes too long at the store, and the list could go on and on.

At dinner, she’s very short with him, but when he leaves for work in the evening, she always gives him a kiss. Unfortunately, that kiss in the evening is my only reminder that they still love each other. In times past, you could always find my mom laughing at whatever my dad said, curling up to him on the couch, you name it. Now, she prefers to not spend any time with him. Even on the weekends, the only time my dad is not providing for our family, she doesn’t seem to want to be around him.

My father, one of the silliest human beings on the planet, is one of my most favorite people. One day, many years ago when all of my mother’s siblings seemed to be getting divorced, he told me in all seriousness, “divorce is absolutely, positively out of the question. Unless your significant other is beating you, cheating on you, living a double life, or damaging you in any other physical or emotional way, put on your adult pants and work it out. I know that he would never leave my mother. He’s even told me over the past few months, when times have been rough, that no other woman “could ever love an asshole like him.”

Divorce is such a complicated, messy thing. I don’t know what I would do if my parents split up. I know there are plenty of other individuals out there who have experienced divorce themselves, or have had parents or close friends go through it. So, what do you think? Are my parents headed for splitsville?

Granny Smith – over and out

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14 thoughts on “Love Runs Out

  1. This is what I think – your mom is most probably reacting to all the things she has had bottled up for all those years, probably mistakes by your father. That’s just my opinion. I think you should talk to your mother. Do not ask her directly. Just play the psychological game and make her spill the beans. If she wanted to leave him, she would have had left years ago. Try to make them see the love that bonded them. Do your best.

  2. Who am I to have an opinion being recently divorced myself. I can only share what I have experienced. I do believe that parents should try their best not to drag kids into choosing a side.Parents should however be honest about their feeling in the matter. I do agree with your father that :”Unless your significant other is beating you, cheating on you, living a double life, or damaging you in any other physical or emotional way, put on your adult pants and work it out.” The difficulty is however how to determine whether or not you are being emotionally abused.

  3. I don’t know, honestly. A lot of couples (from what I understand) have issues like this once the kids are grown. I hope it doesn’t come to divorce for them, but it’s hard to say. If it’s going to work they both will have to be committed to it.

  4. I think couples who are together for many years cycle through phases, good years and tough years. My grandmother once told me that there were many years in the middle of her marriage to my grandfather, they were together for 55 years, where she was no longer in love with him. They were old school Catholics and divorce was not something they believed in, but she fell in love with him again at some point, and their relationship evolved. Marriage is hard, and beautiful, and challenging. Hang in there! 🙂

  5. I agree with Wanda. I witnessed my own parents (who were married for 52 years before mom passed) going through similar stuff. For a time, I really thought they were going to split – I couldn’t see how or even why they would want to continue if they were that miserable with each other.

    But, they were of a generation that you stick it out. And they did. And eventually that season passed and they were once again close and happy. I actually believe they were closer after that.

    The kids – even adult kids should not be put in the middle though. You should probably explain to them that you do not wish to be put in that position.

    Hang in there!

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