I Do?

This past week at work, my boyfriend of 5 years was having a conversation with one of his coworkers about me and our relationship history. When his coworker found out how many years we’ve been together, she immediately asked him if he had plans to “put a ring on it” anytime soon. Thus, prompting me to dedicate this blog post to the topic of marriage.

Let’s back up for a moment to the day I graduated from college. After a beautiful day and a successful ceremony, I did what I usually do every night, and turned to facebook to wind down. Within that evening, and the days ahead, my newsfeed was flooded with relationship status updates. Were people breaking up? Of course not, my counterparts were getting engaged.

Now, because I can be a bit of a girly-girl, my initial reaction when I saw these changes were, awww, good for them! But, as I quickly looked over a few pictures of the happy couple, my thoughts turned to, wait! Stop! You’re making the biggest mistake of your life! And of course, we all know the statistics. They say that 50% of marriages nowadays end in divorce, and marriages are predicted to be even less successful when the two individuals getting married are younger than 27. So, why this sudden rush to the alter?

One of my biggest theories is societal and peer pressure. Think about it, when you’ve heard that someone has been together for more than three years, what’s your typical reaction? I know that I’m guilty of thinking, oh, they’re probably going to get married soon. And I’m sure that that’s the case for many other individuals. Another case in point, what if the individuals have been together for 8 years and STILL aren’t engaged; then what? I think many people’s first reaction is, jeeze, what are they waiting for?

But of course, there’s always the flip side. When you see those wedding pictures of individuals in their early 20’s on facebook, a lot of people’s first reaction is, what’s the need? Is she pregnant? They’re too young, they don’t know what they’re doing! This will end in divorce.

What I’ve come to notice, especially within the 20 something market, is that the topic of marriage releases a LOT of different emotions. For example, I bet that if I decided to change my facebook status from “in a relationship” to “engaged” tomorrow, my friends would post nothing but adoring comments like, “Congratulations!” or “Good for you,” or even, “Finally!” But, behind my back, I know they would say things like, “Why are they getting married now?” or, “Jeeze, not another engagement. Wasn’t there just three last week?” Why do I know this? Because it’s what my friends and I do too!

With 20 somethings, getting engaged is seen as more of a “trend” than an actual life milestone. It’s my personal opinion that a lot of millennials see marriage as something that you have to do if you’ve been together for a long time, or, just the “next step” after college. Personally, I don’t feel that people in their early 20s are ready for it. Yes, yes, I know that there are plenty of individuals out there who have gotten married in their early 20s, and they’re fine. But, it seems to me like there aren’t many people that fit that description anymore.

Basically, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. If you don’t, people are going to think that you’re just “afraid of commitment,” or some more religious individuals might argue, that you “enjoy living in sin.” And, if you do, there are going to be plenty of people that will think that you’re just “jumping on the bandwagon” or “making another reckless decision” because you’re young.

Personally, I don’t care if I never get married. Would it be nice? Sure. But, I don’t think that I need a wedding ring and a joint bank account to prove that I love my boyfriend. I think that showing that I love him in some way every day, sticking by his side through thick and thin, and remaining faithful is enough.

I get that the topic of marriage is completely personal, just like your religious beliefs and your politics. There are plenty of people out there who have been together for years and have never married and are completely at peace, and then there are many others who have been married for 20 plus years and wouldn’t have it any other way, and unfortunately, there are some individuals who are on their fourth marriage and crossing their fingers.

All I’m saying is, when it comes to marriage, make sure that you decide to make that commitment because it’s what YOU want, not what everyone else wants for you.

Granny Smith – over and out

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Let’s Defunk Ourselves!

I’ve been in this huge funk recently, and I can’t seem to perk up and realize all of the amazing qualities about myself.

Having only been a member of corporate America for about 4 months, it’s been quite the shift, and both my body and mind haven’t responded as well as I’d hoped.

So, what do you do when life hands you a problem and you don’t know the answer? Consult Google of course!

Below are five things I found that you can do if you’re in a funk:

1) Take Responsibility – Happiness is a choice. If you’re unhappy right now, it’s because of the things you choose to think about. And you have the power to change that instantly.

2) Be Here now – Whenever we’re leaving behind a great chapter of our life, whether it’s our College days, a great relationship, or an amazing trip, we have a tendency to hang on to it. We keep thinking about it, wishing we could go back. This only creates sufferance. The past is gone. Right now is all we’ve got.

3) Surrender to What is – Whenever we’re in a sub-optimal situation, whether it’s being stuck in traffic, or going through a challenging period at work/school, getting upset about it serves no purpose. It’s like trying to argue with reality, with what already is.

4) Stop the Hamster Wheel – Have you ever stopped to think about the sheer number of thoughts that go through your head every day? Thousands and thousands of thoughts. All day, every day. Perhaps it’s because of the fast-paced world we live in, but it seems like we all struggle to slow our mind down. A lot of this thinking is unnecessary… and exhausting!

5) Get out of Your Head and Into the World – In a world where so much happens online, we have to be careful to not neglect the importance of real face-to-face connection.

If you’re going through a tough time, you might feel especially inclined to isolate yourself, but it’s only going to make things worse. Seek the presence of people you love, people who inspire you. And go a step further: Do your best to make them happy! Smile, ask how they’re doing, and help them with their challenges.

To read the full article, click here.

Now come on gals and guys, let’s defunk ourselves!

Granny Smith – over and out