The Fall of Man

They found him. Gunshot wound to the chest on his birthday. Although, it makes sense, his heart was what hurt the most. His wife passed away four years ago in a car accident. He was the one driving the car… He had sold his house two weeks before he took his life. He wanted to move out of the city and on with his life. But, with no job prospects and no real friends anywhere else, he must have lost all hope. Deep down, we all knew this day would come; we just thought it would have happened shortly after she died, not now.

My uncle Steve is was an introverted, angry man. He didn’t like the outside world. When he met and married my aunt, his second wife, new life was pumped into his veins. He turned himself around, started going to parties, meeting people, and he even thought about having children! He said and did things he, and we, never thought he would do. But, when he accidently hit the other car that caused her death; he also died. The spark she implanted in him was gone; he went back to his old ways, hating the world and everyone in it. Each year that he remained alive, we considered ourselves lucky.

The last time I saw him was the day before his birthday. We were at a family gathering at my grandmothers. It was to celebrate her birthday, as well as his. He retreated to the living room for most of his time there, and when he was in the kitchen, he wouldn’t talk to anyone. All he wanted to do was play with his smart phone. When my grandmother talked to him, he answered her with a strong tongue and boiling anger in his eyes. No one could say or do anything to please him at this point.

I didn’t even bother trying to talk to him for fear that he would lash out at me. In fact, in all the years that we’ve been family, I’ve never said more than a few sentences to him. He wasn’t the type of uncle to show up at your high school play, take you out for ice cream, or make small talk. He was a man who just wanted to be left alone.

Sure, I could cry my heart out, take off of work for a few weeks, and preach to everyone about how you need to, “hold you loved ones close.” But, I can’t. I’ve never loved this man. To me, this isn’t a heartbreaking loss.

In fact, this isn’t a loss at all. My uncle did not die; he’s very much alive. Today he turns another year older…and colder, that is true. And, as I sat near him the other day, not speaking a word, I was reminded of how awful of a person I truly am. I realized in that moment that the man sitting near me is a man I’ve known my whole life; but he’s been nothing but a stranger. I realized that if he died tomorrow, even from suicide, it would not have a major impact on me. Sure, I would feel awful. No one deserves to die, no matter what the cause! And, no one deserves to feel alone. But, to me, it wouldn’t feel like a major loss. I can honestly say that it would hurt more if my dog died than if he passed away.

Four years ago, this was where my family found themselves; on suicide watch for my uncle. It’s awful to admit that someone who is supposed to be such a huge part of your life doesn’t matter to you. Writing those words, “It would hurt more if my dog died than if he passed away” makes me feel like a terrible person, but I know deep down that I’m being true to myself. Although, sometimes, we have to admit that even those people in our lives who are supposed to be family and the closest humans to us, mean zilch. That is why we all must create our own “families.” “Families” that are made up of blood relations, friends, acquaintances, dogs, cats, etc. “Plant your own seeds and grown your own garden because you have the power to choose who you become and who is allowed to influence you along the way.”

Granny Smith – over and out

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There’s Cake in the Conference Room!

It’s 8 a.m. You get to work, pour yourself a cup of coffee, think about what you need to do for the day, and then…you open your inbox…and you notice THAT email, “Sales are through the roof this month! Enjoy a cupcake in the kitchen!!” Your next thought might be one of two:

1)      Ugh!

or

2)      Yes!

As someone who is new to the working world, and who works in a larger office, during my first few weeks on the job, I was completely taken aback when I received these emails two, sometimes three, times a week.

But, over the course of my time at the company, I realized that there are two types of triggered actions that happen when someone gets one of these emails:

1) Receives email, immediately jumps up from chair, heads to kitchen
2) Receives email, shakes head, deletes email, moves on with day

As someone who is obsessed with food, I’ll admit that I’m a number one type of gal. But, I do work with a lot of individuals that are number two. At my company, most of the employees are in their 20’s, and most of the managers are in their 30s or older. And, when it comes to these emails, I’ve noticed that subordinates tend to be number ones, and their managers tend to be number twos. Now, is this because as you age your metabolism gets slower and you’re a bit more conscious of what you eat? Maybe…

But, this topic really got me thinking…In general, is it a good idea to use sweets for celebratory purposes in the workplace?

On one hand; yes. Because not everyone can afford to buy their office mates a new car every time it’s their birthday or their work anniversary, buying a cake or a few pastries seems to be the best option. At my office, I know that when people bring in desserts, they’re gone by mid-day, if not the end of the day, and the person who ends up bringing in these sweets always receives a few “thank you” emails. So, why not, right?

But on the other hand…no. With the obesity epidemic in this country, and with so many people trying their hand at a new diet every week, bringing in these treats releases that initial jolt of temptation, and your coworker’s nasty thought of, damn you, (insert name here), not again!

In conclusion, I always find that bringing in a treat is a bit of a win/lose battle. You’re going to have some people that love you for it because you’re recognizing an anniversary, achievement, or you really just love your coworkers. But, you’re going to have some people who hate it because you’re messing with everyone’s diets, and you might be thought of as “disrespectful”  or “isolating the minority” because some people might have allergies, or need to be dairy free, or gluten free, and can’t join in on the fun. Either way, there will be bad blood.

So, my suggestion: Our CEO is an extremely generous individual, and every Tuesday he orders two fresh fruit baskets for the office. The fruit is usually gone within a day or two, but everyone is very appreciative because it is a nice change from all the sweets that rotate throughout the week. For your place of work, I would recommend bringing in fruit, or, because fruit can be expensive, find a recipe for a dessert where you can substitute those calorie induced ingredients to something a little less painful. And then tell your coworkers about the substituted ingredients. I’ve found that a lot of popular magazines these days willingly provide alternative recipes to life’s biggest food temptations.

And, because I am such a big sweets eater, I usually try to stick to the rule of thumb, “one and done.” Or, if it’s something like a massive cookie that probably has 1,500 calories, break it in half, or in thirds. Never deprive yourself of a treat because you’re worried about gaining extra weight…one won’t kill you, and that’s what exercise is for!

So, good luck with those sweet temptations!

Granny Smith- over and out