Love Runs Out

My parents…lord love them. They’ve been married for almost 26 years and have been through a lot of shit. A disabled son, a crazy daughter, two houses, multiple cars, family members passing, you name it. My parents have always had a nurturing relationship, but lately, something has changed, and I don’t know what to think of it.

Within the last nine months, I’ve witnessed more fighting and just an overall lack of displeasure with one another. Almost every day they’ll get into a tiff, and almost every day, both of them come to me with their side of the story and indirectly ask me to play mediator. Part of me wishes I could shout, “take care of this shit yourselves; you’re adults!” But, I want to be there for the both of them because I know they have no other outside party to turn to but me.

Most nights, I hear my mother complaining on the phone about my “crabby father” to her sister or her mother. And, most days, you can find them mocking one another behind the other’s back. Usually, in situations like this, I don’t take sides. But, something tells me I have to go with my father. My mother tends to be fairly harsh on my father, getting irritated about his hearing, complaining to his face that’s he’s too angry or too particular, that he takes too long at the store, and the list could go on and on.

At dinner, she’s very short with him, but when he leaves for work in the evening, she always gives him a kiss. Unfortunately, that kiss in the evening is my only reminder that they still love each other. In times past, you could always find my mom laughing at whatever my dad said, curling up to him on the couch, you name it. Now, she prefers to not spend any time with him. Even on the weekends, the only time my dad is not providing for our family, she doesn’t seem to want to be around him.

My father, one of the silliest human beings on the planet, is one of my most favorite people. One day, many years ago when all of my mother’s siblings seemed to be getting divorced, he told me in all seriousness, “divorce is absolutely, positively out of the question. Unless your significant other is beating you, cheating on you, living a double life, or damaging you in any other physical or emotional way, put on your adult pants and work it out. I know that he would never leave my mother. He’s even told me over the past few months, when times have been rough, that no other woman “could ever love an asshole like him.”

Divorce is such a complicated, messy thing. I don’t know what I would do if my parents split up. I know there are plenty of other individuals out there who have experienced divorce themselves, or have had parents or close friends go through it. So, what do you think? Are my parents headed for splitsville?

Granny Smith – over and out

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One Body, Multiple Personalities

I just got a Netflix account…I know, I know, there goes my life! I’m already obsessed with “Orange is the New Black,” and I can’t wait to start “House of Cards” and “Breaking Bad.” I’ve even seen their movie selection…and HOLY CATS. One movie in particular that recently caught my attention was the documentary, “Mitt.” “Mitt” follows Mitt Romney and his family while on the campaign trail in 2008 and in 2012. I’m not afraid to say that I voted for Romney in 2012, but after watching this documentary, it became clear that the man I voted for during the campaign was very different from the man in his documentary. In 2012, I voted for Romney because I wanted a change and because I thought he was the lesser of two evils. But, once I saw “Mitt,” I actually wound up really liking the guy. Mitt is hilarious, and his family is so down to earth and honest. Mitt was criticized a lot for only thinking of the “rich, white man,” but it turns out that he is best friends with a lot of small business owners and is truly worried about their future. I think what was most surprising to me about the documentary was Ann Romney. I remember thinking that Ann was somewhat of a plastic, air-headed, Barbie doll during the campaign. Ann Romney, in a way, was like the Anne Hathaway of politics. She was so nice and sweet all of the time, only said positive things, and didn’t really have any strong opinions (other than to back her husband). However, during the documentary, I was shocked to find that she was a real, human being, a great mother and grandmother, and only wanted the best for her husband. She, in fact, had opinions of her own and a strong personality. At the end of the documentary, I left wishing that American would’ve gotten to see that side of Mitt and his family before the 2012 election. Yes, I realize that documentaries like this one can be used to boost “approval ratings,” and may completely cut out the negative side of a person. After all, it’s HIS story and no one wants to be seen in a negative light. But, that’s not what I’m getting at with this post. What I want to say is that the documentary left me wondering about my own “true colors” and how others perceive me differently.

My family and CLOSEST friends: They know me, for the most part, and usually get where I’m coming from. They know that I’m loud, obnoxious, love a raunchy joke, and pass gas from both ends on the regular.  They know that I would do anything for them. Also, they love the fact that I can be over the top, and they know that I’m obsessed with pop culture, and they believe I should be famous. (Doesn’t everyone?)

My Co-Workers and Acquaintances: If you asked my past and present co-workers, or individuals that I don’t know well, they’d say that I’m extremely reserved, quiet, and very shy. They’d probably even mention something along the lines of “it’s hard to hold a conversation with her.” They know me as the “nice,” quiet girl that sits in the corner, will listen to your problems, and be of assistance in any way that she can.

My Significant Other: He’s seen both sides of me, but knows that my “true” personality is the one I show my family and closest friends. He knows that I’m a little rough around the edges, but I can also be VERY emotional. At times, I have multiple emotions over the course of one day! He knows that I can also be inappropriate in public places and randomly break out some new dance moves while walking down the street. He also knows that I may be crazy, but he can also take me home to his mother, and introduce me to other important people in his life without them thinking, “Why the hell is he with her?” He understands my insecurities and is trying to help me overcome them. He realizes that I can be lazy and complain, but I also love to be active and I have goals. I like to party, but I also like to stay home. I’m a hot mess, and yet, he wants to be with me. How cool is that?

My Dog: And then, there’s my other best friend. He thinks I’m a nurturer. He knows that I’m the lady who coddles him too much, gives him one too many treats, provides him with food and water, and walks him daily. Other than that, he doesn’t give a shit about what his mommy does with her free time.

Do you have different “personalities” depending upon who you’re with/what situation you’re in? Let me know in the comments!

Granny Smith – over and out

A Day Without Peanut Butter and Other Nutritional Mishaps

I’ve written a bit about it before, but my nutritional journey has been fairly similar to a lot of other individuals; some days, it looks like I’m on the right path, and others, I feel like a fat child who’s received free range at a local doughnut shop. My health has gone up and down over the years, but like many of you, I’m looking to get it back on track.

As a child, I was raised with two grandmothers who made sweets…ALL.THE.TIME! Sweets are my downfall, but I know that it’s something I need to eliminate. Couple my love off sweets with my moderate exercise routine, and I was….an average sized child. As I got older, I quit a lot of the sports that I joined as a kid. One summer, I decided that TV was going to be my best friend, and I gained about 15-20 pounds…in three months! I stepped into the first day of the following school year unrecognizable. And, ever since that summer, it’s been a struggle for me to lose any weight…and keep it off!

But, I found myself on an exercise kick years later and managed to lose about 30 pounds and shed some inches! I felt good, but not skinny enough. As I strived to keep losing, my body shut down and I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. I was constantly going that I had forgotten to get proper sleep. And finally, it had caught up with me. Once I was diagnosed, it was hard to bounce back. No matter how much sleep I got, I was still tired the next day. I was doing yoga almost every day, but I was losing my results; my muscle was slowly turning back into fat.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I joined a zumba class and started to get my body working again. And, recently, I’ve joined Team BeachBody as a coach and have completed programs like the 21 Day Fix, Rockin’ Body, and Hip Hop Abs in order to get myself back on track. I’ve started drinking a protein shake that helps cut cravings, and I’m reading a great book by Maria Menounos, “The Everygirl’s Guide to Diet and Fitness,” which has workout tips, nutritional information, and a plan to help you live a more active life.

While all of this wonderful information is coming in, I keep hitting brick walls and getting flustered. It’s hard for me to resist sweets and my favorite restaurants. I was reminded of how important my health is this week when I came down with a terrible cold. I still haven’t bounced back, but it’s making me refer back to my old ways. I’m not exercising as much as I should be, and I’m eating with more of a carefree attitude. That’s definitely NOT a part of the plan!

So, what can you do if you constantly feel like you’re hitting a brick wall like me? Going back and forth, not being able to truly commit to something is the worst. I’ll share with you a trick from Maria Menounos. At first, enjoy what you want, but start cutting back you’re food intake and moving more. It’s simple! Say you typically have 8 slices of pizza for dinner, try eating only 7 and then have a side salad. Week by week, cut back a bit more and make that salad bigger, and soon you will be eating 1 or 0 slices of pizza and enjoying the salad! Second tip: move more! Instead of taking the elevator, take the stairs. Instead of parking close to the store, park further away in the parking lot. By making small changes today, you can create healthier habits that last a lifetime! Make goals for yourself, start a food journal. See what you’re eating and what you’re doing every day, and think about how you can improve.

For me, I eat peanut butter daily. So, one day, I said to myself, “Let’s see if I can go the whole day without peanut butter.” And, when I accomplished that, I tried two days, three, four, five. Before I knew it, I had gone ten days without peanut butter. Simple, small cut backs and additions can get you back on track.

Have a happy and healthy life! And remember, we’re in this together!

Granny Smith – over and out

Autism Awareness

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If you don’t know already, the month of April is Autism Awareness Month here in the United States. And seeing how the month is almost over, I thought I’d dedicated this post to those individuals with Autism, my brother, specifically.

My brother was three years old when he was diagnosed, and my family’s life hasn’t been the same since. I can’t tell you how many countless hours my brother has spent with therapists working on his speech and cognitive ability and how many days he was in the Special Education room at our high school only for us to realize that he isn’t so different after all. He’s still a typical boy who has his own likes and dislikes, he just can’t express himself in the same way we can.

For years, my family has gotten stares and weird looks in public places when my brother has cried out, hummed, or even danced near complete strangers. Even tonight, we went to our local YMCA for a swim and a young boy (probably only about 10 or 12) told my brother to hand over the ball he was holding because he was supposed to use it to shoot hoops not hold it! Of course, I glared at the boy and flipped him the bird…in my mind. But, we carried on, business as usual.

When I was younger, I would get so embarrassed half the time because my brother would have to use the ladies room with my mom if my dad wasn’t around so that someone could help him in the bathroom. We even stopped going to church because my brother loves to laugh, hum, and cry out during inappropriate times. Whenever someone looks at him, all they can see is his age, so they’re completely confused as to why he’s behaving “in that way.” Nowadays, I don’t give as many shits. If he cries out, he cries out. If he decides to dance in the middle of the grocery isle, let him have at it (as long as he’s not in anyone’s way)!

I’m not saying that I’m completely fine with his outbursts and that they never embarrass me. Of course, I still get agitated with him every once in awhile. But he’s my brother, and that’s what siblings do. If anything, he’s made me more of a tolerant person. Yes, people mess up once, twice, three times even! But, because I live with a boy who constantly needs to be reminded to wash his hands after he uses the bathroom, or to take his shoes off before climbing into bed, I’ve never gotten into a heated/screaming match with anyone. No one has ever pissed me off that much…because, it takes A LOT for me to REALLY show my frustration.

Like my dad says, “everyone should have at least one disabled child so that they know what it’s really like.” And, I completely agree. There’s too many government officials trying to cut funding for those with disabilities and it brings me to near tears when I think about how much those with disabilities have already been shafted in life, how many limitations they have when it comes to things to do, places to go, or people who will take care of them, and now this? My father actually has a friend who works for the government and has a disabled daughter, and because of that, he makes sure that he knows every law and is able to fight that much harder for her rights. He’s actually helped a lot of families (mine included) knowledgeably advocate for their disabled child. And, never would he have become so involved if he didn’t have a daughter with a disability.

My brother and other individuals with disabilities that I have spent time with over the course of my life thus far have helped me get a better perspective on what really matters in life. Not only that, but they’ve also taught me how it’s important to treat individuals with the utmost respect, say what you feel, and do what makes you happy.

If you’ve never had the chance to spend time with an individual or individuals with a disability, I encourage you to volunteer for the Special Olympics, or for a disabled group home. Even if it’s just for an hour and only one time! Make some sort of interaction with these uniquely talented and special individuals, and I guarantee your life will change for the better.

Granny Smith – over and out

Wanna Play 20 Questions?…Sort of…

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So, in spirit of the holiday season, I like to get nostalgic, think about what I really want out of life, etc.  A few days ago, I stumbled across a list of thought-provoking questions that my friend posted on her facebook page.

I thought it would be cool to share them with all of you! Who knows, maybe you guys will find these questions as interesting as I do and use them as conversation starters at your next holiday gathering.

Also, I love reading the comments that you all post on my blog! For this specific post, if you would like to share your answers to one (or more) of these questions, please do so in the comments section.

Without further ado, the questions are:
1. If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?
2. If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45 p.m.?
3. How do you really KNOW anything for sure?
4. If you had all the money in the world but still had to have some kind of job, what would you choose to do?
5. When you’re 90 years old, what will matter most to you?
6. What do you regret most so far in life?
7. How can you apply the lesson you learned from that regret to your life TODAY?
8. What would you change if you were told with 100% certainty that God does not exist? Or, if you don’t believe in God, that he does exist?
9. If you lost everything tomorrow, whose arms would you run to? Does that person know how much they mean to you?
10. Do you fear death? If so do you have a good reason?
11. What would you change if you knew you were NEVER going to die?
12. If you were at heaven’s gate and God asked you, “why should I let you in?,” what would you say?
13. When will you be good enough for you? Is there some breaking point where you will accept everything about yourself?
14. Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
15. What would people say about you at your funeral?
16. What small thing could you do to make someone’s day better?
17. If you believe in God, would your relationship with God change at all if you were told with 100% certainty that he was actually a she?
18. What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?

Granny Smith – over and out