Love Runs Out

My parents…lord love them. They’ve been married for almost 26 years and have been through a lot of shit. A disabled son, a crazy daughter, two houses, multiple cars, family members passing, you name it. My parents have always had a nurturing relationship, but lately, something has changed, and I don’t know what to think of it.

Within the last nine months, I’ve witnessed more fighting and just an overall lack of displeasure with one another. Almost every day they’ll get into a tiff, and almost every day, both of them come to me with their side of the story and indirectly ask me to play mediator. Part of me wishes I could shout, “take care of this shit yourselves; you’re adults!” But, I want to be there for the both of them because I know they have no other outside party to turn to but me.

Most nights, I hear my mother complaining on the phone about my “crabby father” to her sister or her mother. And, most days, you can find them mocking one another behind the other’s back. Usually, in situations like this, I don’t take sides. But, something tells me I have to go with my father. My mother tends to be fairly harsh on my father, getting irritated about his hearing, complaining to his face that’s he’s too angry or too particular, that he takes too long at the store, and the list could go on and on.

At dinner, she’s very short with him, but when he leaves for work in the evening, she always gives him a kiss. Unfortunately, that kiss in the evening is my only reminder that they still love each other. In times past, you could always find my mom laughing at whatever my dad said, curling up to him on the couch, you name it. Now, she prefers to not spend any time with him. Even on the weekends, the only time my dad is not providing for our family, she doesn’t seem to want to be around him.

My father, one of the silliest human beings on the planet, is one of my most favorite people. One day, many years ago when all of my mother’s siblings seemed to be getting divorced, he told me in all seriousness, “divorce is absolutely, positively out of the question. Unless your significant other is beating you, cheating on you, living a double life, or damaging you in any other physical or emotional way, put on your adult pants and work it out. I know that he would never leave my mother. He’s even told me over the past few months, when times have been rough, that no other woman “could ever love an asshole like him.”

Divorce is such a complicated, messy thing. I don’t know what I would do if my parents split up. I know there are plenty of other individuals out there who have experienced divorce themselves, or have had parents or close friends go through it. So, what do you think? Are my parents headed for splitsville?

Granny Smith – over and out

Advertisements

I Do?

This past week at work, my boyfriend of 5 years was having a conversation with one of his coworkers about me and our relationship history. When his coworker found out how many years we’ve been together, she immediately asked him if he had plans to “put a ring on it” anytime soon. Thus, prompting me to dedicate this blog post to the topic of marriage.

Let’s back up for a moment to the day I graduated from college. After a beautiful day and a successful ceremony, I did what I usually do every night, and turned to facebook to wind down. Within that evening, and the days ahead, my newsfeed was flooded with relationship status updates. Were people breaking up? Of course not, my counterparts were getting engaged.

Now, because I can be a bit of a girly-girl, my initial reaction when I saw these changes were, awww, good for them! But, as I quickly looked over a few pictures of the happy couple, my thoughts turned to, wait! Stop! You’re making the biggest mistake of your life! And of course, we all know the statistics. They say that 50% of marriages nowadays end in divorce, and marriages are predicted to be even less successful when the two individuals getting married are younger than 27. So, why this sudden rush to the alter?

One of my biggest theories is societal and peer pressure. Think about it, when you’ve heard that someone has been together for more than three years, what’s your typical reaction? I know that I’m guilty of thinking, oh, they’re probably going to get married soon. And I’m sure that that’s the case for many other individuals. Another case in point, what if the individuals have been together for 8 years and STILL aren’t engaged; then what? I think many people’s first reaction is, jeeze, what are they waiting for?

But of course, there’s always the flip side. When you see those wedding pictures of individuals in their early 20’s on facebook, a lot of people’s first reaction is, what’s the need? Is she pregnant? They’re too young, they don’t know what they’re doing! This will end in divorce.

What I’ve come to notice, especially within the 20 something market, is that the topic of marriage releases a LOT of different emotions. For example, I bet that if I decided to change my facebook status from “in a relationship” to “engaged” tomorrow, my friends would post nothing but adoring comments like, “Congratulations!” or “Good for you,” or even, “Finally!” But, behind my back, I know they would say things like, “Why are they getting married now?” or, “Jeeze, not another engagement. Wasn’t there just three last week?” Why do I know this? Because it’s what my friends and I do too!

With 20 somethings, getting engaged is seen as more of a “trend” than an actual life milestone. It’s my personal opinion that a lot of millennials see marriage as something that you have to do if you’ve been together for a long time, or, just the “next step” after college. Personally, I don’t feel that people in their early 20s are ready for it. Yes, yes, I know that there are plenty of individuals out there who have gotten married in their early 20s, and they’re fine. But, it seems to me like there aren’t many people that fit that description anymore.

Basically, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. If you don’t, people are going to think that you’re just “afraid of commitment,” or some more religious individuals might argue, that you “enjoy living in sin.” And, if you do, there are going to be plenty of people that will think that you’re just “jumping on the bandwagon” or “making another reckless decision” because you’re young.

Personally, I don’t care if I never get married. Would it be nice? Sure. But, I don’t think that I need a wedding ring and a joint bank account to prove that I love my boyfriend. I think that showing that I love him in some way every day, sticking by his side through thick and thin, and remaining faithful is enough.

I get that the topic of marriage is completely personal, just like your religious beliefs and your politics. There are plenty of people out there who have been together for years and have never married and are completely at peace, and then there are many others who have been married for 20 plus years and wouldn’t have it any other way, and unfortunately, there are some individuals who are on their fourth marriage and crossing their fingers.

All I’m saying is, when it comes to marriage, make sure that you decide to make that commitment because it’s what YOU want, not what everyone else wants for you.

Granny Smith – over and out