Breaking Up is Hard to do

Recently, one of my very best friends went through a terrible, unexpected breakup with her boyfriend of 2 years. The situation left her damaged and with more questions and emotions than a toddler.

Now, I’ve gone through breakups myself, and I know that the majority of others have as well. But, I’ve always wondered how other individuals deal with them. I remember reading in an article somewhere that some men are ok in the beginning and tend to get a bit crazy, and then reality sinks in and they become lonely and miss the other person. On the other hand, I’ve heard that most women tend to cry about it, get really upset for a certain period of time, and then they move on and get crazy.

I’m not saying this is the case for every male and female because breakups happen in plenty of different ways and for plenty of different reasons, but it’s just what I’ve heard.

But, no matter how harsh of a breakup you have, you need to figure out how you’re going to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

So, what have I done for you? I’ve searched the internet to find the best ways to deal with a breakup!

You’re welcome:

  • Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
  • Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.
  • Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
  • Remind yourself that you still have a future – When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
  • Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression – Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.

If you’re currently going through a breakup, or know someone who is, I hope this article helped!

Granny Smith – over and out

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Happy Birthday?

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I tried something new this past week..going to work on my birthday. I’ve been pretty fortunate with the fact that my birthday is in August, so I’ve never had to go to school on my special day. And, if I worked, I’ve always had the option of taking off. However, I recently started a new, grown-up position, and I only have so many PTO days before the year ends! So, I decided to go to work..yippie skippy..

But, the fact that I did recently celebrate a birthday really made me wonder, why do some people absolutely despise their birthday, and want no mention of it what so ever, and others, like myself, feel that their birthday is the one day of the year where they need to receive 100,000 compliments, too many presents to know what to do with, love and affection from their closest family and friends, or even strangers (I don’t know how other people roll), and their name screamed from the rooftops?..Too much? But you get what I’m saying, right?

So, what is it with these different feelings? Do we develop these feelings about our birthdays because of how our parents or guardians taught us to treat them?  Or, is it an age thing? I’m assuming that when I get older, I won’t want my birthday publicized nearly as often as I do now…but I can’t help the fact that when I was growing up, birthdays were a BIG DEAL!

So, usually, when a birthday comes up in the office, I don’t say, “happy birthday” unless the person brings in a treat, or sends out an email saying, “hey everyone, it’s my birthday”…which is what I did this year…of course. I guess I’m still in that “I just started working here, I want everyone to like me” phase, so I try not to get too obnoxious about other people’s birthdays. But, I can’t help it! I want them to feel as important as my friends and family make me feel on my birthday.

This year, I brought in a cheesecake, and my parents delivered balloons that I obnoxiously displayed on the top shelf in my cubicle, so that everyone walking past could see them towering over my work space. And, you can bet I left those balloons there for an extra day so that people who “forgot” my birthday could be reminded the following day (it’s ok, I accept late wishes).  And when I took those balloons home, you can bet I left at a time of day when I knew everyone would be crowding towards the elevators. It’s not that I’m completely in love with myself or crave attention, I’m actually more of an introvert, but it’s just the celebration part that gets to me. I mean, I love a good party!

What are your thoughts on birthdays? How do you approach the “issue” of a birthday with someone that you don’t really know, or a friend or family member that HATES their birthday?

I’d love to hear from you!

Granny Smith-over and out

 

Live life without regret

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So, if you read my previous post, you know that I’m a bit of a worry wart..ok, so I’m a HUGE worry wart, and letting go is something that I’ve been working on a lot lately.

Since entering the workforce, one of my biggest worries is that I’m wasting my time doing something that I don’t really like, thus, at the end of my life, I’ll look back and think, “why didn’t I just take a chance and do what I really wanted to do?” 

When I was in college, I took a stress management course, which was more like a “how to live your life” course, and it honestly changed my life. I used to be a super perfectionist, and now, I’m a bit of an imperfectionist. I still try my best at everything (don’t get me wrong), but I try not to give as many fucks as I used to. 

One lecture that my professor had during that course has forever changed my life, and I think about it on a daily basis, and unfortunately, it’s why I worry most days. 

My professor gave a lecture entitled, “The top 5 regrets of the dying.” Ever since my professor gave that lecture, I constantly think to myself, “why am I doing this?” and, “is this something I’m going to regret doing/not doing when I’m on my deathbed?”

The top 5 regrets of the dying are:

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

So, with that being said, it’s been my personal goal to start living the way I want to, and to make sure that I don’t worry so much about pleasing other people and giving up what I really want to do because “society doesn’t think it’s a good idea.”

But, I want to know, what are your biggest regrets? What are you going to do to make sure that you live your life the way YOU want to?

Granny Smith- over and out